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Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in Sandra's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
8:49 pm
Where'd you put the keys girl..
"Things are getting kinda gross"

My driving teacher sort of scares me. He knows how I get nervous, and apparently he has a fondness for saying my name a lot. I don't meet people who keep saying my name in every other sentence. And he also has a weird tendency to have a two second pause before saying my name. "Remember to breathe.. Sandra.." It's sort of freaky, and I think of him all day and night. He told me he saw me walking down the street and apparently he's seen me smoking with my friend. I'm afraid of him because he's like, 20 years older than me. And because I wouldn't know how to be with someone that much older than me. And I don't know why I think of him.

I thought I was a lesbian.

Practically I am. Just not when it comes to him.

"And I go at sleepy time
This is not, this is not really happening
You bet your life it is"

Current Mood: ...
Saturday, November 11th, 2006
3:07 pm
dog fever
Yesterday my best friend was came over, and I met her at the train station.
We went to a mall and when we stepped inside, there was the cutest little
dog tied to a pole that I just had to touch! Oh my.. I just melted! That
was the most perfect little being looking into my eyes, and when I reached
out for him, he reached for my hand and wagged his tail! <3 I was all aww,
you're so cute, what are you doing alone in a place like this? :-D

And when we came out, he was still there! He came towards us and I just had
to say goodbye to him. He wagged his tail and he was definitely delighted to
see us. <3 I looked into his eyes and gave him a kiss. Sigh. What a beatiful
dog. I loved him. I was _this_ close to taking him home with me!

Oh damn.. I really need a dog!

Current Mood: in love
Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
3:18 pm
it's raining all the time!
..even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do
i still miss you, baby..
and i don't wanna miss a thing.


<3

i miss him so much :-(

Current Mood: missing my dog
Monday, October 30th, 2006
6:19 pm
I miss my dog :-(
Baby I miss you so much. I love you. I wish you were here.
But at least you're not hurting anymore. :-) Your welfare
was always important to me. Just seeing you happy made me
feel so complete, like I'd never need anything.

We've never been apart for this long. It hurts being away
from you. But I know we can't be reunited. *desperate sigh*
I miss looking into your eyes. I could have died for those
eyes. They were so deep and so sweet. They made me want to
cry and smile at the same time. Every time you put your
precious paws on my arms, I felt content and grateful that
you were in my life. You mean so much to me. You're the
best dog in the world. I love you darling. I always will.

I would give anything just to feel your nose sniffing my
eyes, my face. Just to hold you in my arms. To touch your
head, to look into your eyes and kiss you. Love you for
one last time. You were my first one. And I was yours.
That was supposed to prove my love for you. And it really
did stregthen the bond between us. You were my true love.
Everyone says you're an animal, but ultimately.. So am I.

I don't know if I really realized it before you went away.
But I knew that I loved you very much, and I would have
given up seeing all my friends just to be with you. When
you collapsed on the floor and started to shake and drool,
I immediately started crying and told you I couldn't handle
it if you left me. You don't know how relieved I was when
you became conscious and stood up.

"..And through it all he offered me protection
A lot of love and affection, whether I was right or wrong
And down the waterfall, wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me when I come to call
He won't forsake me.. I'm loving angels instead"

Even words can't describe how much I miss you, precious.
I treasure each second I spent with you. Thank you for
all the years, for your love, for the enthusiasm you
greeted me with, for the anxiety you bore when I was
away, for every feeling that lived within you. You
brought colour and delight into my life. I love you.

<3 Sandra.

Current Mood: sad
Saturday, October 28th, 2006
9:53 pm
Well.. My dog's gone now. :-/ I really miss him.
And I've realized I don't even want a man, or a woman.
A dog is so much better than any human.
I'd be just fine living with a dog.

Someday I want to have a collie. They're sexy as hell.
I've always thought it'd be heaven to have sex with a collie.
They're absolutely gorgeus. I've always loved them.

I'm gonna get one sooner or later. It'll be just great.
I can't wait to touch him, to hug him, to kiss him..
To get to know him in general and gain his trust.

Sure, I miss my dog beyond words. I will think of him every
day for the rest of my life, our bond was really strong. He
was my dog for six years, he provided me unconditional love,
affection, protection, friendship and support. Every time I
looked into his eyes I felt complete, because I knew that he
was happy to be with me and that he trusted me with every
inch of his being.

And when we had sex and we were in a knot, he'd lay his head on
me and lick my face - it was just beautiful. I'll never forget
those moments. I miss him so so so so so much. Sigh. My life
has lost so much color, but I'm getting better now. I believe
I am ready for a new dog, and once I get to move out, I will
get a new dog. It's hard living without a dog :-/

Anyway.. I think this pretty much covers everything up.. I tried
dating a guy.. He's a Sagittarius.. I think we got along quite
well but after we had met for the first time (we met online) we
stopped talking. And the conversations we've had after that have
been downright weird and frustrating. I really don't have the energy
to focus on that kinda shit. I got diagnosed with anxiety, a panic
disorder and depression, gahd dammit, I'm on medication but it won't
start working until next month.

How frustrating. But hey.. One day it will be better. I guess.

Anxiously waiting for a new dog,
Your Humble Narrator Sandra.

Current Mood: apathetic
Saturday, August 26th, 2006
7:14 pm
Omigosh.
I wanna have a pony.
Yes, a pony.
Preferably a good-natured male.
Someone who gallops nicely.

I miss riding.

I like this guy from UK.
He's half Italian.
He has a girl.
That has made me eat a lot of pizza today,
smoke a lot of cigarettes and chocolate.
I still have 3 cigarettes left, and half
of the chocolates too. I'm saving them up
for the night. I like to stargaze and smoke.

Argh.

Why does he have to be like that?

Current Mood: stressed
Monday, July 10th, 2006
1:27 pm
Hello again.

It's been a while.
I've been clubbing every week.
It's nice actually..
At first I was afraid of it, but when my friend is with me anything goes.
She's crazy. I love her. :-)

And um. I think it has made me a lot more outgoing.
I've woken up next to a man twice within three weeks.
Sometimes I feel like a slut.
I don't know what to think.

I don't have sex with them. I just.. Sleep.
And on Saturday I cuddled with the guy.
He was nice, we talked all night and drank and stuff.

I just ended up in his apartment with my friend.
There were some of his friends too. Teehee.
It was fun, though it was really stupid.
Because we just danced with them and after the song,
they asked us to come over to their place.

Bah.. My friend took pictures of us.
I was too drunk to even notice. XD Haha.
How weird..

But anyway. It was a nice night.
In a way I hope I'll meet up with him someday.
Though we left without saying a word.
My friend said she was too ashamed to say anything.
I don't know what she did with her guy. Heh.
And I was _this_ close to telling him I was gonna go.

Hmm.. I feel weird. Really weird.
Do I miss him? Yes.

Sandra.

Current Mood: lonely
Monday, June 19th, 2006
4:56 am
What a fudging idiot I was chatting to a few minutes ago?
He wanted to try something like phone sex, I said I can't now but later would be okay.
He said he probably won't be on later. K. Wateva. I left.
YES I AM A BITCHY WOMAN who cannot stand idiots.
That just totally ruined my mood!

Blah. I'm totally sexually frustrated.
My dog scratches me every time we have sex and it sometimes feels like he wants to rip my genitalia in two. :-/
That's just so unfair. But I did see how thick his cock gets.
And I did push it inside me. That felt good, that little dog! :-)

In the beginning of this month I was desperately trying to figure out ways to get money for drugs. Thank God I've given up that for now.. I'll leave those experiments for later.

I have a crush on a man who is 16, 17 years older than me. Scary.
I think he sort of had a crush on me last year. I ignored him because he was too old.
Shit.. I'm not gonna talk to him.

A good friend's best friend told that my friend & I act alike.
Arians unite! ;-)
I'm rather proud of my sign I guess.
A little on the fiery side sometimes but it's okay.
Nobody's perfect. :-)

Oh and by the way. We talked about all sorts of sexual stuff last week.
It felt good to talk about all that and realize that we are all sexual creatures.
And there's absolutely nothing bad about it. Of course I don't dare to
tell anyone about my fondness for animals.. Maybe, just maybe.. Someday.
But not today, not tomorrow, not next week, not next year. Someday.

That is all.
Much much love from Sandra AKA Your Humble Narrator.

Current Mood: tired
Friday, May 19th, 2006
11:47 pm
We did it again today.

Me totaly stoned right now.
Feeling gooood. :-)

Much love from the one and only..
Sandra!

Current Mood: high
Monday, May 15th, 2006
5:47 pm
Oh dear oh dear oh dear. You'll never guess what happened.

Today, my dog fucked me for the first time.

It didn't work out quite as I expected. But it was our first time.

We'll do better next time which should be quite soon. ^_^

I'm just happy we did it. I could've died of happiness when he rested his head on my shoulder.

Sigh..

I love you my little one.

Current Mood: happy
Monday, April 17th, 2006
2:40 pm
You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!


Happy fucking birthday Sandra. You're old...

But last night I talked to this guy I was once in love with.. Again. Not the one I mentioned in my previous entry, but someone else. It was fun to catch up with him. We talked for almost 2 hours. I was at the top of the world. :-)

Now.. Things are different.

Current Mood: apathetic
Sunday, April 16th, 2006
11:06 pm
Sigh..
Whoa.. Tomorrow's my birthday.. I'm gonna be old. So I started reminiscing a bit after hearing Tiger Trap's Sweetheart. It reminds me of a boy I once loved. I really really loved him and he hurt me without knowing it. I wanted to kill myself because he didn't really care about me. First he gave me the impression that he did so I kept on trying and kinda flirting with him. I guess we became close.. But then I think he found someone else and he stopped talking to me but I didn't remind him of it. It was sort of an unwritten law. "Don't ask and I won't tell"

Why does this song remind me of him? Because I first heard it in mid-October when I was most in love with him and he was showing signs of interest a lot. And I really thought we could be something! Guess not. I don't really care about him anymore. Of course I'd talk to him if he talked to me but he probably won't. He's a musician and I suppose he has been getting a lot of attention and playing some gigs and he released his first CD and he's all happy like that and he still has his girl.

It's my fucking birthday and I think about him.. How screwed up is that?

I guess my dog hadn't really missed me after 3 days of not seeing me. How rude! :D Hahah I know I expect too much from him.. But I'm just depressed because I've been introverted and boring and everything all weekend. I'm tired and my back hurts and I've been eating too much chocolate and I haven't had the chance to go out and have a jog or exercise or anything. After I got home I ate and after that I went online and yeah.. My lazy ass has been here for like 4 hours now. No.. 3. It feels like a whole day anyway. :(

Wasn't that a long entry..

Sandra

Current Mood: disappointed
Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
10:06 pm
Sometimes I feel like I'm not allowed to love someone, or be loved because I'm fat. Everyone's been telling me I'm not fat - but I am. At least a little. My online friend asked me today if I was fat, and I said yes, I think I am fat. He looked at a picture of me and my fat-bursting thighs were showing exceptionally well hehe. But I don't mind - he's my friend and he can be honest. It didn't offend me, it just made me think. In fact I'm glad he told me because I got even more inspiration to start losing weight! I've been losing some now and I really need to keep going! Not just for a few months, but forever!

Stick thin stick thin stick thin I want to be stick thin. Heh. I told him I don't have issues anymore.... But then again - I told him I lie a lot.

Oh yeah, and I love my best friend now so much that I want to go to her house =) Even if it's just for a few days. She's my best friend my best friend my best friend yay! Love her!

PS. Only 6 days until my birthday! Omg :) Lots of easter eggs! Or not too much because I'm on a diet heh.

Current Mood: hyper
Wednesday, April 5th, 2006
11:02 pm
"So hello, good friend
I wanna be next to you."

That's right. But very soon I will be next to her =) Which is really good. She wants us to go drinking but I don't really want to. So it's been bringing me down lately because she probably wants to take me out with her friends but hell I'm not a social creature. I can't get along with new people and they know each other like that and they have their own inside jokes and everything and I just won't fit in. I probably won't even be able to talk to anybody else but her and it will annoy me big time so I'm not gonna do that.

Okay.. Now I have brought myself to the point where I don't even want to go anymore. Fucking hell.

Current Mood: annoyed
Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
9:15 pm
Happy April!

It's my birthday in 15 days! How great. :) My good friend (Veronica) had her birthday on the 26th of March, and she just moved out. I'm so happy for her, and quite proud of her too! But me, poor little me, I'm not going to move out in a loooong time.

Today I was browsing some bestiality sites and found out that snake sex is pretty damn hot. Not two snakes but a snake and a human, duh. Anyway. I came up to the idea because I was looking at some pretty sick tentacle porn but yeah.. The idea was quite sexy, heh. Holy hell, I'm gonna get myself a snake someday. Not a very big one but something I can take care of and stuff up inside me.

My dog hasn't been horny lately. But it's alright, I'm not gonna force him to do anything he doesn't want to, at least when it comes to sexual matters. Because he must obey me when I tell him to sit etc. (Obviously)

I think I'm getting over the crush on my best friend! Very good. I still love her as much as I did before, but maybe not that way. We can be friends with benefits if she wants to. She has kinda suggested that. Last summer. But I turned her down because it seemed to be a bit childish, at least to me. But this time I guess I won't.

Oh yeah! I'm gonna go see my best friend a bit before my birthday! From the 13th to the 16th or 15th! It should be fun. Hopefully there won't be much snow so I can wear my spring jacket. It's so pretty! ...Or no, wait, pretty isn't quite the right word.. Let's say, punk rock. Ha! There you go.

That's all from yours truly! Have a good day folks!

PS. Head Automatica is darn good. Listen to them if you wanna hear some good music.

Current Mood: content
Saturday, March 25th, 2006
8:05 pm
Last night she texted me and she was worried she would lose her faith. I told her to be careful, in the beginning it's really easy for it to happen. Wish I could've said something more. Wish I could see her argh!! It's been over a month since we saw each other! *angry face* Hehe. No, really, I'm furious. Or am I?

I think she has a thing for another girl, according to what she said last night. Wow. I just might be that good at reading between the lines. However, I hope I'm not. Or do I? Should I? Personally I think I should give up. It'd never work out. We're so different yet I feel attracted to her. In the end I don't know what I would do without her, if she hadn't existed I wouldn't be who I am today. Though sometimes I think I'd be much better off without her.

One thing that annoys me is that she's pretty damn manipulative. Ergh. :x And I'm sometimes jealous. Bah.

I'm not really feeling like writing today.. Sorry.

Current Mood: pretty good
Tuesday, March 21st, 2006
9:05 pm
If I cut off your arms
And cut off your legs
Would you still love me
Anyway?


Last night I was reading and suddenly a very pleasant feeling took over. It tickled my every nerve and made me feel so good, so whole, so happy and I knew it was God. :) Thank you for strengthening me again. It never ceases to amaze me. You never cease to amaze me.

A friend of mine was thinking whether You are cruel or not. I don't believe it.. We just can't understand it. We just can't understand why You sometimes take people from us. We're blind to the fact that in the end everything will be alright and it was probably for the best.

People may call me blind but I don't care - I have never seen clearer than now.

Current Mood: complacent
Monday, March 20th, 2006
10:31 pm
Nobody knows but you..
It seems I love my best friend more than I should. Not sure yet, but I most certainly have some kind of feelings for her.

I've known her long enough to say it's something real, something deeper, not just an infatuation caused by her striking looks. Or that's what she looks like for most of the time. Anyway. She's still important to me.

I don't know what I'm going to do with her though. Right now I'm most definitely not going to reveal anything about the feelings I might have for her. But what if it becomes more serious? What if I don't get over it? What if I jeopardize our whole friendship, which was lasted for at least 7 years now, just for one stupid crush?

Sigh.

It's been almost a month since we got to spend time together. I miss being with her so much, though I kind of have a love/hate relationship with her. It's pretty hard for me to live with her. Especially for long periods. But I guess I'm gonna have to live with it.. Read it's quite typical for us Arians. Oh well.

My dog slept beside me last night, and is going to do so tonight as well. Maybe we'll have some fun too, if he's up to it. I know I will be as I won't be tired until 3 AM again. How fun. At least my dad's drunk and won't interrupt us if anything happens. He'll be too busy being passed out. But even if he's not up to doing anything else besides sleeping, I'll settle with that. It's such a great feeling when he sleeps on my chest and breathes. Sigh, I could die of happiness when he does that!

How do you get rid of a Virgo who's constantly clinging onto you and hitting on you? Argh. He just doesn't get it. It's frustrating. I kind of like the thought of being adored in such a way but it gets very annoying when we talk online. How the hell can I be more clear? Chissà perché..

Current Mood: relaxed
Sunday, March 19th, 2006
9:43 pm
Introduction
Hello.

I've decided to go by the name Sandra in here so that nobody who knows me in real life will not recognize me. Every name I use has been changed or censored to prevent my identity from becoming recognize-able. If that is making any sense :) Oh, and excuse any mistakes. English wasn't my first language.

You can check my userinfo to see what kind of things I'm into and as you can see, I'm not exactly your girl next door. Or maybe I am, but here I'm going to say them out loud.. Except that I'm doing it anonymously, behind a mask.

First off, I'm pretty self-centered which you already might have noticed. Trying to get rid of it all the time.

For some reason writing an introductory post just doesn't work out, so I'll go to the normal stuff. Sorry! Maybe later.

Right now I'm talking with this weird person online, he's from Italy. Sure, Italy's a nice place but the people there don't know English very well.

Person: you mean that you would make a naked portrait of me
Person: that sounds interesting

Then I could paint him like Basil Hallward painted Dorian Gray and he'd wish he'd never get old and the picture would and, and, and.. He'd lock the picture up in some small room and check on it sometimes to see how it has changed and live like there was no tomorrow and he'd kill himself more and more.. And more..

Yes. I like that book. But hell, this guy is weird. Overly romantic and everything. I could use the Italian phrases I know on him. Hehe! He'd be surprised! But then again.. I do not wish to surprise him for it would awake more romantic feelings in him. It's pretty weird.. If only he knew who or what I am.

Bleeding Through is pretty good. I need to stop listening to Coheed and Cambria's Ten Speed. It's such a catchy song!

Oh darn. I'm gonna have to get some sleep now. I'll post more later. Good night!

Current Mood: chipper
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